Cherry wood ya

The weather’s been fantastic and my shingles fatigue has returned. This has necessitated lots of staring out windows and thinking about how neat it would be if I could go outside. Just—stand up, go out. But that’s so many steps. Move from bed to pants, lift pants off floor, center pants beneath legs, pull onto right leg, pull onto left leg, fasten, and Christ I think you get my point, doing anything right now is like trying to fit both my balls into a single asshole.

Another thing: I’ve been really surly and profane. Being unable to do much of anything makes one’s imagination go wild, m-makes me go almost crazy thinking about all the weird ways I could be having sex with weird things right now, if only standing up didn’t take so many steps.

So—let’s push ourselves outside here, for a second. Pantless, because fuck it. And then what’s the point of being all active and in a hurry? Didn’t I learn anything from that scary old eyebrow man in the Shawshank Redemption? Life ain’t for a hurry. Hurries are scary, when you are infirm. This is a time for contemplation. This is a time for the kind of beer that’s good when it’s time for contemplation. Preferably one from a brewery named after a woman who once tried to stuff a man’s brain back in his skull.

And so I write the following the questions down longhand in the margin of my Brony coloring book:

At what point does a mead become a braggot?

Does it only need some malt?

If so, how much, and does wheat count?

Also, fuck you, Brony coloring book, for criticizing me for asking so many inane rhetorical questions. You mom is fat and I stuck both my balls in her butthole.

(Also, “braggot” is fun to type.)

Gave my ladyfriend and sip of it and she said “hmm,” approvingly. Shortly thereafter: “Wow. T-there’s a lot going on there.” By which she means that even if you got a pallet that ain’t too up to snuff when it comes to the way barrel-aged honey cherry wheatwines should properly taste, it’s still possible to impressed by a brewer (or meader) who can combine that many nodes together without having any overrun the others, with nothing seeming off.

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