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That execrable Deadspin beer section did a review of the GABF, and they said Wigsplitter was the best beer there. That reminded me that I had a bottle of this hidden in the back of my fridge, and that I should probably commence to reviewing before it got any older.

But first, a word: good god, that is some awful beer writing. I know this guy’s trying to not care in the way that nearly all of Gawker media’s consumption-based articles try not care. Deadspin slayeth the sacred cow of the NFL’s integrity, so this emo ballerina guy is gonna totally RIP THE SYSTEM and attempt to review beers he drank while wasted, with a scorched pallet that by his estimate processed at least 200 fucking beers. This is bullshit. Utter and absolute bullshit.

Yes, it’s kind of possible to tell whether a beer is really good or really terrible from only a taster pour. It’s not the most reliable of methods, however, which is why beeradvocate (at least nominally) has a policy in place saying you can’t write reviews based on taster pours. Everyone does it, but they’re not supposed to. And the influx of assholes who do it are part of the reason why so many veteran drunkards refuse to do reviews anymore, which is why the reviewing system is a now a horrific shitshow in which eXtremeness lauded without hesitation but anything more nuanced than Mountain Dew gets shit on, where a beverage that contains more sugar than actual fucking soda can be labeled Craft Beer’s Next Big Thing.

Reviewing isn’t science, obviously. It’s all subjective and myriad unmeasurable factors influence every single review we ever undertake. That’s a good and fine observation—the kind of postmodernism MIND = BLOWN woah dude moment most 13-year-olds are capable of having. Embrace it. Allow yourself a moment to feel smart for making it.

Done? Okay. Now, just because subjectivity is subjective doesn’t mean systems meant to measure perception are totally worthless. It doesn’t mean we should abandon decades of perfectly good precedence and embrace a new system where Brooklyn-based cum trumpets like this guy are given the power to change the industry’s practices because once every several paragraphs he cracks a joke that resembles something Drew Magary might cough up while hungover. Frankly, I’m not even convinced David Obuchowski is an actual alcoholic. I bet that if his doctor told him to stop drinking, he would.

Anyhow, he said Wig Splitter was the best beer he had a GABF. Undoubtedly, a robust, semi-sweet, and absolutely flawless espresso stout would stand out well even to a man 30-odd pours deep. You’ll notice the top of his list is loaded with impy’s and excessively sour beers, because when you swimming in a sea of ticks, you only got time for the big fish, son.

The beer is a Three Floyds stout that is not called Dark Lord, so of course the balance is perfect, the aroma and flavor are both aggressive but smooth, and while it is a clear example of its style it nonetheless contains a handful of distinguishing peculiarities that set it apart from other examples of its style. The sweetness is thick and almost fudgy, like a less alcoholic KTG/Mott the Lesser.

It’s great, really great. Only let’s not say so just because we’re following the lead of the New York blogstablishment. Those people have already ruined movies and politics—they should have no place in beer.